I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
