My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
