plz talk dirty to me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
