I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
