Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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