Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
