im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
