My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
