she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
