just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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