woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
