Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
