I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
