That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
