Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
