ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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