she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
