Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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