i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
