Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
