woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's blow job season.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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