I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
