you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Panties = found
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