Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
