Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
