We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You pole danced in your parka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
