I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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