so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
