Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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