don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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