He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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