So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
40s are totally the cure
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
