47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
