im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
