Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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