I can text with my tongue
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
