i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
