Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
