just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
