He uses pillows to masturbate.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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