I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
