y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
