just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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