all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
