I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
