She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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