Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
