there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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