2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
