I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
