Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
